Extinguished Flames
by A Sirius crush on Moony
Summary: After Azkaban, can Sirius and Remus still keep their relationship going, or have they been through too much? Remus/Sirius


**Sadness writing this :'( Very very sad. I cried...****  
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**This is set some time during GoF, as you can probably tell.  
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**I hope you like it ;)  
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**EXTINGUISHED FLAMES  
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"Hey," Sirius said nervously, smiling slightly at Remus, who gave him a faint smile back.

They were standing in a shabby old cave high over the village of Hogsmeade. The cave was littered with dead rats, so there was a horrible stench lingering in the air.

Sirius emulated the cave, with his ripped, worn clothes and his scent wasn't exactly what one would call 'sweet'.

"Nice place," Remus commented, although his face told Sirius that he hated the place.

"I know it's horrible," Sirius said, staring around the cave. "It was the only place I could find."

"I know," said Remus. "At least it's inside. Developed a taste for rats?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows and scrunched up his nose. "What else am I supposed to eat?"

"I brought some food with me," Remus said, pulling out a loaf of bread from his bag. "It's not much, but I'd imagine it's better than rats."

Sirius grabbed the bread straight out of Remus' hands and scoffed it down, not caring how savage he looked. He was starving.

Remus didn't mention it either – merely looked around the cave until he'd finished eating.

"So what brings you here?" Sirius asked.

"I just wanted to see you. We haven't spoken since last year," Remus said. Sirius nodded, leaning closer to him.

"I missed you so much," he said, looking him in the eyes, and seeing Remus' sad expression. "What is it?"

"Sirius, I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Sorry about what?"

"Do you... Sirius, do you still love me?" Remus asked, looking at the floor. Sirius leaned forwards and took hold of Remus' hand forcing him to look into his eyes.

"Yes," he said, showing no signs of a lie in his eyes. "I've loved you since fourth year, Remus. Nothing will ever change that. When I was in Azkaban, you were all I ever thought about. The thought that I was never going to see you again... it almost killed me, but I managed. I've found you again. I've got you."

Tears were forming in Remus' eyes and he tore them away from Sirius' face. "I thought you were a murderer," he said quietly. "I thought you killed Peter. I thought you betrayed James and Lily. I thought you were a Death Eater."

"But you know I'm not," Sirius said.

"It took me five years, Sirius," Remus said. "And it was a hard and painful struggle, but I managed to get accustomed to being without you. I could live without you. I cleared you from my mind and while I still love you as a friend, everything's gone now. All romantic feelings. I stopped myself from loving you."

They sat in silence, Remus staring at the ground, and Sirius staring at Remus. Finally, Sirius spoke. "You don't love me anymore?" he choked.

Remus looked at him with tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry," he said. "But no, I don't."

Sirius took in a deep breath. "After everything we've been through?"

"I thought you were a Death Eater!" Remus sobbed. "You have to understand how sick I felt because I was in love with a murderer. I couldn't bear it. I _had_ to get over you."

"But you _know_ now that I never did anything!" Sirius said desperately. "You don't have to hate me anymore!"

"I _want_ to love you," said Remus sadly. "But I told you already. I thought you were a bad person, and I thought I had to get over you, and I did that. I'm over you and I don't think that will change. We haven't seen each other for twelve years! We can't just pretend that we're still the same people who fell in love all those years ago."

"But I still love you!" Sirius said. "Please love me back."

"I can't," Remus said, turning his face and wiping away his tears. "Sirius, we were kids. We need to grow up."

"I want to grow up with you, Rem," Sirius said, his heart breaking with every word Remus said. "We can get married and grow old together... it's not too late."

"Yes, it is," said Remus, his voice breaking a bit. "I don't love you anymore."

"Then fall back in love with me!" Sirius pleaded, leaning forward and shoving him against the wall of the cave. Sirius' lips crashed against Remus' and he ran his hands through his hair, desperately trying to find a way to re-ignite the fire in Remus' heart again.

When they broke apart, Sirius looked into Remus' eyes for some sort of realisation that he still loved him, but they remained sad.

"Nothing," Remus said quietly.

"Nothing?"

"I felt nothing," he said. "I wish I had, but I didn't."

"You can't do this to me, Remus," Sirius said, feeling the prickling feeling in his eyes as he knew he was about to start crying.

Remus was having the same trouble, except tears were freely falling from his eyes. "We... can s-still be f-friends though, right?"

"So you're breaking up with me?" asked Sirius quietly, his voice shaking.

"I broke up with you the day you were sent to Azkaban," Remus said, standing up. "I should really be g-going."

"Are you with somebody else?" Sirius asked, leaning back against the wall of the cave in defeat.

Remus stopped and closed his eyes. "Not yet."

"What does _that_ mean? Do you love someone else?"

"That's really none of your business, Sirius," Remus said quietly, not looking at Sirius.

"Yes it is! I'm your... your..."

"Exactly," Remus said. "I'm not yours anymore and you're not mine. It doesn't matter if I love someone else."

"It matters to me!" Sirius said, feeling his heart sinking rapidly in his chest. "I love you!"

"Goodbye, Sirius," Remus said, walking out of the cave and not looking back.

Sirius sat there in the dark, watching the love of his life walk away, leaving him forever. What did he have now that Remus was gone?

I felt like everything he'd ever loved was gone now – ripped out of his life.

He couldn't stop himself breaking down, tears falling down his cheeks relentlessly. All of the memories they had shared came pouring into his mind, making it hurt so much more...

The day they'd first met, the day they'd first become friends, the day Sirius had realised his feelings for Remus, the day Remus admitted he felt the same way, the day they first kissed, the day they told James and Peter, they day Remus had first said 'I love you', the day they first made love, they day they moved in together, the day Sirius had proposed.

They'd been so happy in love – it had all felt perfect. Then everything had come crashing down at once, and now he was here.

Alone. Broken. Lost. Holding on to something that used to be there, hoping it would come back, but knowing in his heart that it never would.

**~THE END~**


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